People say they can tell...

I can't. I keep looking in the mirror for some defining change in my body but it hasn't happened yet. I know the scales aren't wrong...I'm down 29 lbs. so far. I am able to get into pants that were given to me for the transition of all of the clothes sizes that I will be going through...and they were 2 sizes smaller than my own pants. All of my blouses (like this one here) are too big on me. I haven't been able to wear this blouse in over a year. Yeah me.

Today I had my first and only (I hope) dumping syndrome. No, it wasn't birthday cake that did it even though I would have preferred it to be something like that rather than what it was!! I have been drinking Glucerna shakes for breakfast but I can only have half of one because of the sugar content. I am only allowed 4 grams of sugar per meal. Well, I thought I would be smart this morning and try to drink about 3/4 of it so that I could get more protein. Boy, was that a dumb move. Not long after I began drinking it I started to feel sick to my stomach...then it was off to the bathroom...there I was, sitting on the potty holding a trash can up to my face...my heart was beating out of my chest, I had cold sweats and an unbelievable pain in my stomach. It finally happened...no, I didn't "get rid of it"...I just had the dry heaves...then I had to sleep it off for about 2 hours...Let me tell you this, I will NEVER do that to myself again!!

I'm getting ready to go back to work tomorrow and I must say that I am a little excited...and a little nervous. I know that a full day of work is going to kick me in the teeth but I am going to try it and see how it goes. I'm ready mentally and emotionally but I don't know about physical...so I will be a test. Thank goodness I have a great boss who understands. I know if I start feeling bad I can go to her and she will let me leave a little early.

I'm going to read Hannah a few books before bedtime...I better cherish this one last evening with her where I'm not wiped out for a while...

Until then...

News from the doctor...

I went to the doctor yesterday for my one week check up and they were amazed that I had lost 26 lbs. so far. They told me to keep up the good work and that I could begin walking 45 minutes a day. I was really glad about that! I'm not a huge tv watcher so sitting or lying around the house has gotten old...I'm ready to be out of the house and around people. I am going back to work next Tuesday and I'm really excited about that...I miss all of my co-workers...not the work so much, just the co-workers.

When I left the doctors office yesterday I knew I had made the right decision to have this surgery. I don't think it is for everyone but if you have the determination and the support of family and friends, I think you could be very successful with it. I prayed for many months that this would happen but I also know that things don't always happen when we want them to but when God wants them to. I had my first surgery date of Nov. 15, 2007 and a few days before the surgery they found an ulcer that had to be treated for 6 weeks before I could be scoped again and given the okay. I was devastated...I felt like it was some sort of punishment even though I knew my God was in control. I finally came to realize that November just wasn't my month...maybe I wasn't ready, maybe God wasn't ready, maybe He was trying to teach me something...probably patience. That is one virtue I've never really been able to master...I try really hard but it doesn't always work.

The other day Hannah was commenting on how "skinny" I have gotten (let me tell you, I have NOT gotten skinny!!) but she was concerned about the pain I had been in and in that very moment I realized that I had not only had this surgery for myself, but for her most of all...and I told her that...I told her that it was all for her so that I could be a better mother, a better daughter and better person. I know that I will be all of those things and more.

This year holds a lot of changes for me and I will divulge more as life goes on but for now, I'm happy with where I am in my life. I know my future is bright and I know that good things are to come.

Until then...

My reason for being

By now everyone knows that I had gastric bypass surgery on January 8, 2008. I went in for my surgery weighing a staggering 345 lbs. It was a changing day in my life (to quote Dr. Phil). I have been wanting but more desperately NEEDING to have some sort of radical change in my health for more than 10 years now. After years of disappointment, frustration and too many pounds to count I have finally started on my new journey. Let me tell you a little about how I got to this point in my life...

I began this life at a healthy 9 lbs. but according to my mother I wore an 18 months until I was almost 3 years old...wish I could remember that!! I know people try to blame their genes on their weight so much...that's because it is easier than taking on the responsibility yourself. I do have the "fat genes" in my family...thanks dad!! However, I had the most amazing grandparents anyone could ever ask for...my maternal grandparents gave my brother and I anything we wanted...including unending love and affection. However, that is NOT what put me on the path to obesity. I remember when I was in the 2nd grade my pop-pop would come and pick me up from school and there was a McDonald's right behind the school so he would take me over there and let me get a Happy Meal...but remember, I had just eaten lunch about an hour ago...so I didn't really need that extra meal but at 8 years old...who's going to pass up McDonalds??? Not only was that a perk but they owned a bait house and later a convenience store and guess what...we never had to ask for anything...we just walked through those doors and got whatever we wanted...so you see where I'm going with this...

Fastforward to today...almost 6 years ago I gave birth to the most amazing little girl God could have ever given me. She is my reason for being. I want so badly to be able to do things with her like go bike riding (she just learned to ride w/o training wheels), ride the fun rides at carnivals and theme parks but most of all, I want to be healthy so that I can be a better mother and be here on this earth for as long as God sees fit...which I hope is a very long time. I knew that without this surgery I would just continue to get bigger and bigger even though I wanted to be smaller. Food can be a very bad thing when we make such poor choices...and I did. My favorite places to eat WAS Wings N Things, Casa Ole, McDonalds and other places where I could get the really good fried food. But I don't want to allow food or my weight to define me any longer. I won't let it.

I had my surgery last week and much to my suprise I have not really missed the foods I once loved. Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure the day will come when I will miss it but right now I am so prould of myself for going through with the surgery and making this commitment to a healthy life that I don't want any of that stuff in my body slowing me down. Today is my one week check up with my doctor, I hope she is prould of me, I know I am. I have been walking everyday and eating right. I have lost 26 lbs. so far. Yeah for me.

I will most likely blog when I get home from the doctor so that everyone can know what is going on with me and how I am doing...this blog is going to be a deep look into my life and the changes that are yet to come...